As an adult, my mother took two years to talk to me one time. I missed her so badly and even wondered what I did to even cause her silence. I finally realized I was being a very selfish daughter and never one time did I try and understand that she is human and maybe she was in need rather than being distant. I don’t know why she never picked up the phone, or returned my calls, or texts etc. But when she finally spoke up again, I instantly fell right back into her arms. Why? Because she’s the only mother I have and I’m not that blind or selfish to admit, she’s not a bad mom. She is human just like me and she has her own demons to fight and her own life to manage. How dare I act like she owes me anything or owes me some obligated explanation about her personal issues.
Back in 2010, I had tried talking to my Pappa about my mother and why she’s so different anymore. Maybe he could shed some light on it. Guess what he told me? God I love this man! He told me that it was none of my business and if she wasn’t comfortable or thought it was appropriate to discuss her business with me, then she would have. My job as an honorable daughter is to comfort her. Not emotionally murder her! My Father put me in my place and told me to grow up! So I did.
My mother is a great woman. I love her to pieces and I will always love her no matter what. She brought me into this world, loved me my whole childhood and made sure I was always taken care of. My Father did right by her, even though they were not together, he made sure I showed my mother respect especially because in his heart he knew she was a great mother.
I know life has it’s ups and downs, and we as humans can be some pretty selfish individuals at times. I know I’ve acted selfishly with my mother as I’m sure we all do sometime in life. I love my Mother and ever since my Dad put me in my place about her, I have sought wisdom from God and peace of understanding that she too is human just like me. When I had this revelation, our relationship got so much better. All she needed was love. I mean let’s face it, when a person goes feeling a certain way about things for so long with no support, or the right support, it’s hard for people to keep picking themselves up.
EVEN JESUS NEEDED HELP CARRYING HIS CROSS! So how dare I not pull my big girl panties up and help my mother out of her need? We still don’t talk that much, and I haven’t seen her in almost two years now, but she’s my mother. She’s my rock even in spirit. She instilled such a love in me growing up that it has forever stuck with me. I couldn’t have asked for a better mother.
My personal situation with my own children is a lot different than my Mother’s. My Mother was suffering from untreated postpartum depression a long time ago and it eventually turned into a chronic issue, compiled with a lot of other health issues over the years. As an adult, when I started my own life and started having problems within my marriage and eventually the children, I often wondered why she was so neglectful to help me. I was always a decent daughter for her so why make me feel shunned. I thought maybe she really didn’t love me anymore. I have learned that as the child, we really do tend to look at our moms as a superhero. And although they may be in our hearts, we HAVE to remember that they have feelings and needs too. Not everything in life is their fault, nor do they possess the capability to fix EVERYTHING. They bleed just like we do, they cry and shout just like we do, and they need love too! Lots of it if you think about it! All the love that moms pour out into the world not just for her own children, but for all children. How empty they must be at the end of the day and yet they keep moving forward.
The moral of my rambling is this:
No matter what is going on in your life, how mad you might be, how sad you might be, no matter how much wrong or right is going on in your life, and even if your mom hurt you, if your Mother is still alive then
STAND UP, BE A GROWN UP, AND TELL YOUR MOM YOU LOVE HER!!! When she’s gone, it’s over!
TREAT YOUR MOTHER HOW YOU WOULD WANT SOMEONE ELSE TO TREAT HER!